just random thoughts

if you can imagine it, you are completely capable of taking steps to realize it. it's a matter of trusting someone enough to let them know who you really are. i find you fascinating and so different from me. might i ask you what your life's been like? i think we could learn something from each other. i want to be a good and better person every day of my life. i want to be the best possible me i can be. i want to live in a world where people won't try to hurt me for trying to achieve happiness the best way i've found to do so. what i desire exists just above or beyond me, and it always will. that's why it's called desire. chasing desire is like chasing perfection: you find joy in coming as close as you possibly can, and then you try all over again. if you're lucky, this delightfully insatiable chase ensures your quality of life until the day that you die. desire gets us into trouble when we believe having or not having something will make us a better or worse person. and you know all those times when i had nowhere to go, nothing to do, and no one to tell it all to...i thought of you. those times when i felt i couldn't go on living with someone, but i couldn't imagine my life without them...those are the times i can go to sleep. i believe people keep secrets about themselves when we're afraid that if someone knew, they would stop loving us and/or start hurting us. life is like a porcupine though, they are super cute, but you would never want to fuck with one. madness is an unconscious coping mechanism we develop either to compensate for something we're lacking or to make up for something we've got too much of.

Those were just some random bits to ponder. I have been slowly reading Great Expectations. After getting about half way through the book, I have decided that the only two good people coming out of it are Joe Gargery, the blacksmith; and the convict that Pip helped to free early in the book. Pip seems to be turning into a little ass with his wanting to hide his friendship with Joe, being ashamed of his roots in life. Ms. Havisham seems to be stuck in the denial stage of grief over her jilting which she may never well work through. Perhaps upon further reading, my inclination to believe Joe and the convict to be the better of characters will prove to be true. We will see what happens...